Re-telling...thoughts.

It's hard to watch parents growing old. Trying to cope with the change is tougher. My parents are having trouble doing the things they used to handle effortlessly. They face memory glitches, repeat themselves, are tired easily and often sick. I am guilty of feeling impatient, and at times angry at them and finish feeling dim about it.

When they call while I am at work and repeat themselves, I promptly cut it off by saying "Yeah, you've told me that before", or promise to call back once I'm home. As we age we no longer wish to share our ordeals with parents sparing them the stress that we'd rather deal with on our own. There is a lack of things to talk about, and therefore a repeat conversation is likely to be some sort of a connection or interaction for them. I read that the point of talking to people isn't to receive information in the form of words; it's the pleasure of the interaction and expression of sharing and trusting.

So, I tell myself that listening over and over again, or simply receiving the interaction, is not really so hard to do. But I feel sorry for the way I act sometimes with my parents.

Sorry Ma. Sorry Dad. I hope you will understand.

PS: Pansies mean 'thoughts', so these ones in my garden just for my parents.

Gloom to cheer!

Last couple of months were a bit of a roller coaster. I felt glad that I could still maintain my container garden despite the chaos. I was juggling relationships, health matters in the family that left me depleted to spend time on blogging. I don't think it was insufficient time, I think it's more about my mind and what goes on in it. I have never been good at compartmentalizing my life, and my head. Therefore, a problem in my personal life pretty much affects all facets of who I am. On a bad day I would typically end up staring at the screen wondering what to post. That's when the inertia set in, and I never managed to get over it for a while.

My husband usually says that when something goes wrong in life, it's an easy downward spiral from thereon. And during these times does one really gets to figure out the person one is. While one would like to hold out but personal questions are unsettling unless the mind develops enough skill to field them gracefully. It took me good 3-4 months to find answers or make peace with myself, and with people and situations around me.

I feel better, brighter and life is beautiful again. By the way, my pansies and petunias did their bit to dispel gloom and bring cheer. Thank you colorful buddies.

Homecoming...!

It feels like a homecoming. Echoing a saying here: "Homecoming means coming home to what is in your heart. "

I have a lot to tell. While I organise my thoughts and make more sense, I'll leave you with some spring shots from my balcony garden.

I hope to be more active here though I have a whole lot to check out on all my favorite blogs. And a big thank you to each one of you who stopped by my blog and sent me messages.